Lobster Blogster

Lobster Blogster has been struck down by the very rare, and probably fatal condition, known as "Annoyer's Block". The symptoms are:

• Unable to annoy people, despite the best of intentions

The Lobster is sitting here, surrounded by cards and flowers sent by well-wishers, but still there is not an annoying thought in sight. An over-whelming sense of calm, and even good feeling has befallen the Lobster, and he finds himself simply unable to get the necessary attack juices flowing. Apologies to my hundreds of regular readers who are missing their daily dose of aquatic fun.

It's even more amazing that the Lobster has been so afflicted, when you consider the number of easy targets which are out there at the moment, just waiting to have the mickey taken out of them. No not sitting ducks like Peter Hain, mortally wounded and just hoping that the final blow is a clean one, nor even George Osbourne, whose undeclared donations are so large he could retire on the interest.

Consider perhaps Liberal Democrat Leader Nick Clegg who has vowed to "break the two-party system" in UK politics for good. What happens is his policy is more successful than he dreams of, and we end up with not three party politics, but four or even five? That way, the Lib Dems could be heading down the list, not up. Careful what you wish for, Mr Clegg, it might come true. Then there's the ever charming Mr Dale, who recently held a Masterclass in Debating for Ignorant People. Top tips: Hold strong opinions, but don't say why; Quote your opposition's position, but don't include a link (then no one will know if they really said it, or you just made it up); Get your facts wrong, be grumpy about being corrected, then misquote the correction to overstate your own case (sorry Daley, Worstall says there's a carbon cost to running a nuclear power station, not just building one).

But perhaps the easiest target out there just at moment is the lovely Watford Borough Council Planning and Development Department. Despite the Audit Commission heaping on praise the " Council is successfully investing in infrastructure - for example a cycle map, ...", the Planning Department have managed to create a cycle map of the town with a series of concentric rings centred on the Town Hall, marked as miles, but in fact covering distances of kilometres. The planners have hit on the idea that best way to respond to such a cock-up is to pretend it didn't happen. The map is still freely available on the web, and the matter will be tackled at the next "map review" meeting, although there is no review scheduled, and no actual format for such a review in any case.

If only the Lobster had not been completely debilitated by this infernal Annoyer's Block, he would be able to bring these stories as usual. Hopefully the Lobster will be back to full fitness in the near future, and back knocking the silly people who need to come down a peg or two. We will bring you further news as soon as we have it.

Етикети: health, Iain Dale, Lib Dems, WBC

The blogosphere is full of talk of lawyers at the moment. Nadine Dorries has blown a gasket, and is consulting Simon Smith at Schillings. Over at Mr Dale's, Iain is working on a massive job creation scheme for lawyers. He won't let on who he consults though. Even if the Lobster knew, he couldn't possibly tell you, because of client confidentiality.

It's made Lobster Blogster wonder if he should hire a top London lawyer too. The Lobster would go for somewhere that was handy for the tube, and with a nice bit of greenery where you can eat your sandwiches.

10 Old Square
Lincoln's Inn
London
WC2A 3SU

Tel: (020) 7405 0758
Fax: (020) 7831 8237

Seems to fit the bill. They advertise on the net, so perhaps they are a bit short of work. Not too bad though, they were all booked up from about 9.30 am today, so maybe I'll try again another day.

By the way, does anyone know just about how much a top London lawyer would charge? I need to budget for my day out and the Travelcard will set me back £12.00 straight away.

Етикети: Iain Dale, Lawyers, Nadine Dorries

Oh dear, the Lobster has been at it again!

Not only has Lobster Blogster claimed that Iain Dale is a fraudster and a hypocrite, now I've gone and called him irresponsible, and on his home patch too.

Then the Lobster decided to take on Dale's top blogging mate, Paul Staines. Staines spectacularly failed at college, then went on to create a fantasy political and financial career. It was the news that Michael White was to take on Staines, with Recess Monkey as the ringmaster that caused the Lobster to let slip his encyclopedic knowledge of Staines' career.

But isn't the real point about Dale, as he seeks the Tory nomination for the Maidstone constituency, that he has poor judgement? Dale has repeatedly heaped plaudits upon Staines, and has even co-authored a couple of books with him. But Staines proudest boast seems to be lying to the Tories at conference:

"I know this to be completely untrue because I made up this explanation at a press conference held to launch the Freedom to Party Campaign at the Conservative Party conference in October 1989."

and

"This, incidentally, is the most successful lie I have ever told."

You can wonder what attributes the Tories do look for when they choose their candidates, but do you really think they want someone whose proudest claim is my mate is the internet's biggest liar?

Етикети: BNP, Guido, Iain Dale, Paul Delaire Staines

Iain Dale was spouting some old tosh along the lines that all bloggers censor their comments the other day. How does he know, does he read all blogs?




And then Lobster Blogster spotted a certain comment by Guido Fawkes Esq. Aha thought the lobster, a good chance to test the limits of Daley's self censorship regime. So the lobster posted the following comment (only one typo).



What are the chances that this particular comment will be airbrushed away by morning time? Does the pope shit in the woods? etc. etc.

Етикети: BNP, Guido, Iain Dale

Oh dear, the lobster seems to have taken the whole blogwars thing
a little bit to far when he accused Iain Dale of "preparing to commit
future war crime atrocities". Iain had just mentioned himself in
connection with Henry Kissenger, to which the lobster (in a very silly
frame of mind I might add) needlessly commented:



Dynamite was tickled, and now the whole thing has got out of
hand. Iain won't talk to the blogging lobster, even for the most
inane of comments. It is feared that the lobsters prized place,
squeezed as this blog is between the two giants of the political
blogosphere Jeffrey Archer [link not found] and Peter Hitchens, will
be lost. The lobster fears an immediate red card and relegation
to the Ryman League.

The lobster has been very naughty here, and says sorry for a
mischievous comment completely out context. Remember the
lobster never practices what he preaches, so let's all try and
make the marine blogosphere a nicer place...

Full story: Iain Dale's Diary: There's Only One Peter Hitchens

Етикети: Iain Dale, Jeffrey Archer, Peter Hitchens