Lobster Blogster

Psst! Wanna hear some gossip?

(Shh..., keep this right under your hat.) PragueTory knows the gen on Cameron's visit to Prague March 2006. Either that or someone else in Hlavni Mesto Praha knows what went on, and is blackmailling PT.

That, Mr Dale, is top quality goss, the type that changes hands for a lot of money in the Lobster's home turf of Callowland. While we're on the subject of Watford Oligopoly, here's a quick run down of some of the other districts in Watford, and their dominant species:

• Central - full of shops - no one lives there
• Oxhey - arty types and Lib Dems - nuff said
• Woodside - no woods, a lot of side
• West Watford - should be East Watford - main high street is Whip'n'Dehli Road
• Nascot - more arty types - Lib Dem/Tory marginal
• Leggatts - hard as old boots
• Holywell - nuffing holy here, harder than Leggatts
• Cassiobury - darlings!, every last one of them!

The Lobster's real name is mud just at moment. Some yobbo has been mouthing it off down at the Customer Service Centre at the Town Hall. If you've spent three seconds googling and figured it out, like some very over-priced poncy lawyers, then feel free to stroll right into Watford and impersonate the Lobster. Watch out though, almost everyone on my "manor" knows me by name or by face, and the Old Bill certainly do, what "wiv me gettin' sacked from two jobs last Friday."

Lobster "white van man" Blogster and his darling wife, Mrs Justice Lobster, are off to the panto tomorrow evening at Watford Palace Theatre. Due to some "last minute" cancellations, we "just happened" to get two of the best seats in the stalls. Do come along too if you can make it!

Running a bit late, I know, but here is the Lobster's Xmas list:

1. egg coddler
2. drinking glass chess game - TJ Hughes
3. badminton rackett - ASDAs
4. scorpion darts (i.e. fake lobster darts) - ASDAs
5. book - Sir Michael Dannett - biog
6. Châteaux Le Vieux Cèdre - 1998
7. Minervois - 1999
8. book - anything by Thich Nhat Hanh
9. you choose
10. health, wealth and happiness

Have a good one if I don't see you before Christmas Eve!

Етикети: callowland, Flying Lion Ltd

Safe at Last
Lobster Blogster is really pleased to say that two Inland Revenue CDs have been found on the corner of Garfield Street and Leavesden Road. Accordingly, he is issuing the following press release:

"I went back to the abandoned Lib Dem offices I showed last night, again this morning, because the photo I showed may have been doing them a disservice. I had already described the huge pile of beer cans, and the vacuum cleaner. I don't want to cause the Liberal Democrats, or any other Watford politician, any more distress than is necessary.

I have been working for a major retailler recently, and so I know just how important computer security is. People should use anti-virus and encryption technologies to protect sensitive commercial and personal data. Yesterday, for instance, I had discussions with a "guru", over from the States. He made a minor change to a PGP encryption server, and then I asked someone to test that the company PCI policy could be fulled applied. I'm glad to say it worked. It's important that people with the most sensitive data, such as loss investigators and auditors are protected from prying eyes.

I am glad to be able to report, that in this case, at least one of the Government CDs is still in it's original packaging. The tamper proof seal is intact. The other one has been snapped safely into a waterproof plastic carry case. I felt it was important not to disturb the evidence until forensics could investigate."

No one yet knows if the police have been called.

Етикети: callowland, vacuum cleaning

This cannot possibly be true!
In an almost unbelievable turn of events, the Lib Dem offices on the Leavesden Road, North Watford, were coned off, as if to "prevent evidence from being destroyed". The shutters were down, there was not a single orange Lib Dem sign on display and an estate agent's "To Let" sign was firmly affixed to the front of the building.

Liberal Democrat Portfolio Holders, have been refusing all calls and e-mails, and even Cllr Iain Sharpe's blog has been left abandoned for several days. Lobster Blogster had hoped to bring you news of who the "third man" is, the political leader with responsibility for Housing during the period 2005 to 2006, but now it seems we may never know.

It looks as though the building was cleared out several days ago. Rubbish has already started to accumulate. An elderly man with white hair was seen leaving the building with bundles of paperwork on Saturday. Is this when the Lib Dems upped sticks and went? There are signs that a lot of alcohol had been consumed, and a vacuum cleaner has been left by the front door. Up the street an old settee is left right across the pavement. Could this be the same sofa where leading Lib Dems sat down in comfort, whilst collecting huge allowances from the Watford tax payer?

UPDATE: Oh no, it looks like we've found out who the new tenants are!

Other news
The Watford Observer reported today that the Gold Plated Traffic Cones saga is almost over. Drivers in the area face only a few more months of driving misery, before a team of specialised "traffic cone removal operatives" are assigned to the dangerous task of re-opening the full width of the road. Claire Ward MP, said this was a "victory for common sense" after being told that the M25 was likely to be further widened in approximately two years time. Full story here.

Етикети: callowland, Environment Action Zone, Lib Dems, WBC

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Lobster Blogster has joined an exclusive list of up to one thousand households in North Watford which are taking part in the UK's national pilot of enigmaTag. A free bottle of enigmaTag is available to North Watford resident's who visit North Watford Police Station, or contact their local community officers. But hurry, there are only one thousand bottles available for the entire pilot scheme. The tagging liquid is not available for sale in the UK at the present time, but it is expected to retail for around £80 when the trial is complete.

Were the Lobster to be stolen, or perhaps even eaten by missionaries from the Liberal Bananacrats, then police would be able to confirm the identity of the rightful owner using an ultra-violet scanning device.

How amusing that the powers that be have chosen North Watford as the only pilot scheme in the UK. Could it possibly be because this is one part of the country where we most definately don't trust the lying Lib Dems?

As a corollary to the Watford Observer getting a written apology from Lib Dem Parliamentary candidate Sal Brinton, it may be worth mentioning that Andy Wylie, already in trouble on other pages of Lobster Blogster, is the Lib Dems election agent. It is his name that should appear at the foot of all local Lib Dem political material, and he is the one who is legally responsible for any claim made within the literature. Lobster Blogster's copy of the offending leaflet was delivered some four or five days after Brinton's apology appeared in the Watford Observer. In their usual lazy way the Lib Dems had not bothered to cover the offending item, or make clear by way of a sticker that they had had to apologise to the paper for the lie. Like any good citizen, the Lobster's copy went straight into the recycling bin unread. But if anyone still has the lying leaflet, the Lobster would be very grateful if it could be identified whether Wylie's name is on it or not.

Етикети: callowland, Lib Dems, North Watford

"The lights are going out all over Europe and I doubt we will see them go on again in our lifetime".

Етикети: callowland