петък, февруари 23


Will She, Won't She?

Who knows?
And then again who cares?

Agents Pogsurf,


and Clairwil have all been working on this problemette for some time now.

It's been a good training exercise, but skip would like everyone back at the hut by 7.30pm tonight, and he can't until all the issues have been resolved.
(incidentally, LOBSTER BLOGSTER, has only got a passing interest in these matters. He has been doing some research into the early activities of the Football Association: you know the sort of thing, "The Imperial Way Cup, 1953", unit van found on mars, Graham Warner ate my Hamster, etc.. etc.. ad infinitum and just happened to stumble upon a purveyor of cups and medal who helped confirm his suspicions!)

However, we now have reached a stumbling block. The Pinko Liberals, self confessed "Guardians" of the blogoshpere have got the whole of wackipedia tied up into so many knots, that nothing ever happens there. Perfectly innocent attempts to add references to the lobster's own career (and who can forget cubs v. school, unit v. unit or the "Last Apostles of Vidal" v. 'Pete's Perverts', certainly not me Ron, I was there, but didn't the Baptists put up a dirty fight, Gange?)

Guardianistas wave in from time to time, as iff putting pen to paper was some great effort on their part, liberal liberals (nihilists: geddit?) think thet help by waffling on too. But who amongst them has produced so much as a penny whistle, a tree house or even a cup mug for their efforts. Now I know that our team occassionaly throw stones, trip up old ladies, and break into MI5 headquarters to help friendly politicians, school chums and just all round bad un's that we need on our side.

The marine blogoshpere's equivalent of Kendo Nagasaki, but with seaweed curtains, and a bit of old driftwood carved into a recognisable object, has tried to do his bit. Remember we are looking for items of your own handicraft, which are verifiably yours. Even the BALMORAL ROAD BROADSHEET has agreed to come on board with this now. He just happens to be the UK's top fact machine: ask him about the recent decession to award equal pay to ladies in Great Britain's finest lawn tennis event: Wombleden! Good on them, I say, as long as we all can still peep up their skirts when they lean over to smash a 300mph volley into the known lezzers groin area...

If you can assist the lobster to post a minor amendment to "Staines v. State", he and his missus would be eternally greetful. Kevin Koala very kindly agreed last night to verify the evidence for me, I in turn am working on a set of new passport photos for him.

The Task
To insert into wikipedia, or similiar, an authoritative reference to the effect that the guardian article of 1986 IS true: beware, YOU might just get your arse bitten off by this. Don't come weeping to me about this when you are Elvis and I am transmogrified into a warbled version of the third Queen of Shiba#.

The Rules: no biting, no chewing, no dimemberment (especially if you say you don't believe in it). A little bit of tickling, cock-teasing and brick lobbing is OK, especially if you look part ie: sad gypo, pikey wide boy, "additional staff" at Tescos.

In the words of Mr Alan Bennett, respected playwright and author of "Enjoy", Enjoy. From the blogging lobster, fishy character who verifiably "off-shore": BOOT BOYS RULE, YEH! Come on you 'orns. Bugger Barnes, Blissett was better. NASTY NAZIS SCARE RUBBERMEN LIBERALS. Cucumbers are now sold "unwrapped" at Tescos. FISHY LITTLE SMELLS SEND SHARKS INTO WATERS. aND ENJOY...

Anyone at GW's do on Sat, I bumped into Al from Westfield Ave. the other weak. Any "goss" on julie et al...
(pst: you neeeeever heard it here!)
- - - -
Can't decide whether to pickle onions today, or slap a bit of paint on a "Parker Street": any suggestions?

Update 1: managed to get the label on 1 jar of Alison's Famous Pickled Onions.

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четвъртък, февруари 22



Yesterday, Lobster Blogster's missus dragged him down to see Alan Bennett's new play Enjoy, which is showing for the first time at Watford Palace Theatre. If you want to look at a fat old bloke having his kegs and giant white pants stripped off by two old birds who then spend half the play marvelling at the size of his erection, this is the play for you.

The play also includes a bird trying to get it on with her brother or sister (I can't remember which), shagging on stage and a little scrout who deserves a good kick in the balls pissing IN through the letter box. The scenery was naff, most of it had to be hauled off stage by the actors themselves, and most of the audience were ponces. Oh, I nearly forgot to say there was one good bit when the grumpy old git got a good punch in the head.

There is no evidence that WBC is actually going to close this FILTH down, yet. This is despite the fact that most of the cast are being very closely "monitored" during the performance. The end bit made me cringe, all I could think was that this is the sort of FILTH that liberal bananacrats would find funny, wouldn't they? Its got so much FILTH in it that I can't even be bothered to write into the wangly old Watford Observer and complain.

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Should this flag be banned?

To the right of the screen is displayed a flag very similar to that of the Nazi's. It's important to notice the difference between this flag and that of the image which was recently banned by the EU. Two of the verticals (NW+SE) are disjointed from the cross member by a few pixels. It's the sort of thing that could be fixed by polyfiller, a black undercoat, and then a final coating of a good Matt black paint. Remember to smooth the image down between coats. It is suggested that the arm to right and down (SE) should be replaced by an arm approximately 1/18 of an inch wider. I expect that some of our more observant readers will have already started work sanding the top upright vertical (N) in order to acheived a more finished look.

Any readers who may have spotted the finished article being circulated, are welcome to send them in to the Lobster for "treatment". If they claim to belong to an organisation called the BNP, please pass on this simple message: my dad was in the Hitler yuf, pal, then the German army, not Eton. he fought with a machine gun unit on the Russian front and was shot in the leg for his troubles. he spent the end of the war in a prisoner of war camp which was like Butlins after that lot. If you still fink your hard, drop round my gaff for an arm wrestle and a glass of ale.

For reference, the nazi flag supplied is 5 1/2 inches wide and 3 3/4 inches high (when measured from the flagpole side only). A full reference for the veracity of this article can be supplied via the British Library (Unusual) Collections §Пог§.

UPDATE !: the lobster now believes he lives within walking distance of the Furher bunker. He expects to have enough time to crawl over there to take a closer look towards the end of the week...

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вторник, февруари 20


Bit of a Slow Day Here at Lobster Blogster central

With nothing much else to do today, the lobster decided to launch a petition.
Then it got stuck in the 10 Downing Street letterbox.
It was about stopping junk mail.

Guardianistas may discuss!

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понеделник, февруари 19


Lobster Blogster May Get Relegated From The Premier League

Oh dear, the lobster seems to have taken the whole blogwars thing
a little bit to far when he accused Iain Dale of "preparing to commit
future war crime atrocities"
. Iain had just mentioned himself in
connection with Henry Kissenger, to which the lobster (in a very silly
frame of mind I might add) needlessly commented:

Lobster and Dynamite giggling

Dynamite was tickled, and now the whole thing has got out of
hand. Iain won't talk to the blogging lobster, even for the most
inane of comments. It is feared that the lobsters prized place,
squeezed as this blog is between the two giants of the political
blogosphere Jeffrey Archer [link not found] and Peter Hitchens, will
be lost. The lobster fears an immediate red card and relegation
to the Ryman League.

The lobster has been very naughty here, and says sorry for a
mischievous comment completely out context. Remember the
lobster never practices what he preaches, so let's all try and
make the marine blogosphere a nicer place...

Full story: Iain Dale's Diary: There's Only One Peter Hitchens

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Ugly Rumours and the Leader of the Labour Party

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